POTC: Death Knights chest
by Ranger24
Summary: The sequel! With twice as many ridiculous characters and bad jokes as the first!
1. Chapter 1

**Ranger24: Well time to get this crazy party started. Its time for part two! Also yes I did change the name.**

**Ranger24 Studios presents...**

**Screwing Walt Disney Studio's to hell... **

**We proudly present...**

**Well not entirely...**

**Pirates of the Caribbean: Death Knight's Chest...**

**Yes we know it was supposed to be Dead Devil's chest but screw off.

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Chapter 1: Screw the rules.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rain, some call it beautiful and cleansing. Some find it as a bringer of life or destruction. Some find it an annoying pain in the ass, but I digest. Rain lashed down on port Britannia and on fort Agincourt. Needless to say it was a wet and miserable day that made anything that could possibly screw up someones day all the more dramatic or traumatic.

As if speaking of the devil several large ships pulled up into port and began launching long boats. From them swarmed dozens of dudes armed with the usual crappy guns. They swept up the beaches and into the town. For some reason they burst into a certian black smith and a certian mansion before heading for fort Agincourt.

Inside the fort Euphemia sat alone queitly in what was obviously the spot where a wedding was supposed to be. Suddenly there came the thundering of heavy boots and she turned about to see Suzaku, Lelouch, and Orange being lead in chains up to the fort by several soldiers.

"Hands off Sir Lelouch or you shall face the wrath of my loyalty!" Jeremaih snarled before a rifle butt hit him in the back.

"Eh shut up!" The guard snapped.

"What the heck is going on here?" Euphie demanded running over to them.

"Oh hey Euphie," Lelouch said nonchalantly.

"Hi," Suzaku said sheepishly.

Euphie smiled at him. "I thought the groom wasn't supposed to see the Bride until the wedding at least got started."

"Yeah well," Suzaku motioned to the soldiers. "These guys kicked down the door and all."

At that moment Cornelia and Guilford came running into the fort with Sayoko pushing Nunaly along behind them.

"What in the hell is going on here?" Cornelia demanded. "I just consented to a wedding and now the groom's getting arrested along with the best man?!"

"I believe I can answer that," replied an old man who was where a heavy coat and a 1930's style hat said walking out of the clustered soldiers to face Cornelia. Cornelia's eyes flashed with anger.

"Cavil," she hissed.

"Lord Cavil now," he corrected.

"And you are?" Suzaku asked.

"I'm the head of the Cylon trading Company," Cavil replied.

"Okay so how can a corperate tycoon and a regular level nobel be arresting a prince and a guy who is about to get hitched to a royal Princess?" Suzaku deadpanned.

"Well she's under arrest too," Cavil said jerking a thumb at Euphie who was set upon by three more of Cavil's dudes.

"Cavil this is insane!" Cornelia snapped.

"I also have a warrant for the arrest of a Gino Weinburg, is he present?" Cavil asked.

"Sir Weinburg ended his commision several months ago, we haven't seen him since," Guliford snapped.

"Oh well then he was the smart one," Cavil said lightly. "I any case consider yourselves under arrest pending the gallows."

"On what charges?" Suzaku snapped.

"Consorting with a certian pirate," Cavil replied turning to leave. "Dante Sparda..."

"Thats kinda the way the plot of the last story went, with Suzaku and Lelouch teaming up with Dante and Ranger to save Euphie. Why the hell would you arrest them for simply consorting with a pirate? What is this? One Peice?" Nunnally demanded.

Cavil laughed.

"My my, what they teach little brats to say these days," he commented.

A vein on Nunnally's forehead twitched.

"Sayoko," she said simply.

Sayoko promptly slammed her foot into Cavil's crotch and Cavil bent double in pain.

"I didn't know you had it in you to order Sayoko to kick someone in the groin," Lelouch said in amazement.

"It's the fan base," Nunnally said simply.

**POTCPOTCPOTCPOTCPOTCPOTC**

Meanhwhile thousands of miles away the _Black Angel _drifted silently through the fog. The ship was in a much better state of repair then when you readers had last seen it. The holes in the sails had been patched up and any stray holes in the hull repaired. On the deck Ranger and Seargent Johnson were sharing a drink. Ranger had changed his outfit to a long dark green cloak, black pants, a silver blue vest, the usual green shirt, and a pair of Guantlets with the Horde crest on them. Both of them were accordingly rip roaring drunk.

"Oh fifthteen men on a dead man's chest," Johnson sang drunkenly.

"Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum," Ranger cackled before taking another swig.

As he did however a crow landed on the deck a screeched. Ranger frowned and lowered the bottle, watching it all the while.

"Must be gettin' close," he muttered.

"Thank god for the fog then," Johnson growled before he snatched the rum bottle from Ranger. "Call general quarters.

**POTCPOTCPOTCPOTCPOTC **

Roughly twenty miles away however a grim scene was taking place. On an island that was more like a giant spit of rock was a massive prison fortress that few ever got out alive. The prisoners were given little food and water, some where left hangingout in the cold to be feasted on by Ravens and crows. Down by a small doc however what was left of the corpses of the inmates were being thrown, casket and all into the sea.

No it wasn't Gitmo.

The Caskets floated out to sea several miles. A few birds of prey flew after the caskets. One greedily began tryingg to peck through the wood of one of the caskets hoping to get its viscious beak on the precious flesh within.

BANG!

In a puff of feathers the crow vanished. A small hole in the casket had been blown open and smoke slightly. Then a black gloved fist smashed the hole wider and the through it emerged Dante. His hair was slightly longer and he now wore a much more practical oufit. He still wore his large red coat but underneath it he wore a red vest.

He shifted uncomfortably and stretched before he pulled up a bone from the casket. He glanced into the casket at the man inside.

"Hope you don't mind Richard," He said simply.

"Oh not at all," the undead warlock replied. "I was actually about to use you as an oar."

"Touche," Dante muttered as Richard bust the coffin lid off more. Richard was clearly undead, he wore black and red robes.

Dante smirked and began using Richard's arm as an oar.

"We're taking a little detour," he said.

Several minutes later Johnson grabbed onto Richard's arm and pulled Dante up. Richard simply pulled himself up.

"I take it all went well?" Johnson asked.

"Bingo," Dante replied.

Then he paused noticing the whole crew was on deck. There were still plenty of the old faces. Juduea, Ranger, Chef, Kallen, Stewie Griffen, Jak and Daxter were still aboard but there were a bunch of cut throats Dante had been forced to pick up for the crew to have decent staff. Kallen had been forced to remain aboard due to gambling debts.

"Whats the occasion?" Dante asked.

Johnson looked most uncomfortable. "Well you see Dante the crew has been talking and they're-."

"We're," the leader of the new guys, Ali-al Sachez growled.

"We're in agreement that we've been through a lot so far for nothing," Johnson continued."What with the Britannian Navy pursing us clear across the Atlantic-"

"And the Hurricane," Stewie added.

"Hey!" Johnson snapped. "You green horns all agreed that I would do the talking here so quit yaking!"

"Well no need to get pissy," Kallen muttered.

"Yeah," Judeau agreed.

Johnson sighed. "The point is, Dante, is that we wouldn't mind doing some honest to god pirating rather than this mysterious pokey stabby stuff."

"Oh I like the honest piracy option," Richard said egarly.

Dante nodded. "Okay gents I see what you're getting at."

"We also want to know why you dragged us all the way out here," Sachez stated.

Dante shrugged and removed his coat, tossing it to Ranger who caught it.

"Well I don't see why," Dante stated.

Johnson quickly stepped up to Dante's side.

"The M word was used," he hissed.

Dante froze then turned about smiling.

"But what the hell," he ammended. He reached into his pockets and pulled something out.

"Lady and gentlemen," he started before something suddenly flopped down out of the rigging and growled at him. Dante yelped in suprise and the skeletal form Courage snatched it in his teeth and scampered down the deck. Dante whiped out Ebony and Ivory and fired two well aimed shots! With a yelp of his own Courage dropped the item he'd stolen.

"Damn thing!" He growled as Courage scambered off.

"You know shooting the little fella's useless Dante," Johnson noted as Stewie rushed over to the fallen item.

"No but it makes me feel better," Dante growled.

Stewie picked up the peice of cloth and frowned at it.

"Why is there a key on this?" He demanded. "What is this? Kingdom hearts?!"

"Well this was a Disney film," Kallen noted.

Dante snatched the cloth from Stewie however.

"Not just a key my freinds," he stated. "What do keys do?"

"You kill heartless with them?" Some one said.

"No, thats a keyblade." Ranger snapped.

"They open things," Johnson said lamely.

"Correct," Dante replied. "And whats inside chests?"

"Valuable?" Sachez suggested.

"Correct again," Dante stated.

"So we're going after whats in this chest," Johnson said egarly

"No we're going after the key that opens the chest that has what I want." Dante stated.

"So we're going after this key?" Johnson said lamely.

"Now your just sounding stupid," Dante muttered before heading below deck.

* * *

**Ranger24: Okay all the mad crazy shit is back and so are most of the crazy nut jobs. Anyways hopefully this won't kill all of my time. Anyways read and review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ranger24: On your knees dogs.**

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Chapter 2: Warnings.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Later that night Dante was in his quarters aboard the Black Angel, pouring of a large collection of maps and navigational instruments. The room had certainly changed from the time of Vergil's control of the_ Black Angel_. There was now a large pool table and a jukebox for one thing. Another thing was that Dante was more often then not in the room with at least one bottle of something Alcoholic. In tonights case, the usual bottle of boot legged rum.

He frowned giving his trusty compass a tap trying to get a clear reading from it. The dail however spun wildly and Dante muttered a curse.

"Being really cranky today are you?" He muttered taking another drink of rum. He set the bottle down and continued futsing with the maps and his currently unhelpful compass. He reached to take another sip of rum but when brought the bottle to his lips however none of the liquid poured into his waiting mouth. He looked at the bottle and cursed. The thing was bone dry.

"Why is the rum always gone?" He slured pushing himself up. He took a few steps towards the door before he remembered a certian pink haired princess. "Oh right, thats why."

He stepped out onto the deck of the _Black Angel_ ignoring the Warlock Richard who was on watch since being undead meant he didn't have to sleep much. He moved down into the gun deck where all of the _Black Angel's_ cannons were at peaceful rest, the gun ports covered against the sea. The only occupant being Kallen who was sleeping in a hamock. He clambered down to the second deck and was blasted with an endless barage of snoring. This was the main crew hold and all around him where a couple dozen of hamocks occupied by pirates. More than a few had ear plugs in their ears. Dante frowned however as he passed Johnson who was sleeping with a Teddy Bear clentched close to his chest.

"Well thats unexpected," he muttered. "And Historiclly in accurate as the Teddy Bear wasn't invented for a couple hundred more years."

"Just roll with it...," Ranger said in his sleep from the Hammock next to Johnson's.

Dante shrugged before he moved down into the cargo hold where more than a few basic food stuffs and a couple of goats in stalls. Unlike Vergil's crew Dante's needed to eat. There was also on this particular deck the brig.

Then Dante moved down into the absolute lowest part of the ship where Vergil had kept a small stock of spirits and other such drinks. Dante frowned running his hands along the empty shelves. He and the crew had apperantly drank the room dry. Then at last he spotted one bottle still in its alcove. Dante grinned.

"Hello," he started but when he pulled the bottle out he found it was the broken top of a bottle. He scowled. "Damnit."

"Times run out Dante," an eriely familar voice said from behind him.

Dante whirled about and saw something, or someone huddled in the darkened corner. He took a step forward and the figure shifted and the face became visible to him.

"Toudho?" He whispered almost unwilling to believe the words coming from his own mouth.

There was no mistaking the man however. His stern expression was unmistakable. But it was gloomy now and the flesh paled by years of being without sun.

"Is this a dream?" Dante asked.

"No," Toudho replied glummy.

"Yeah," Dante agreed. "Otherwise there would be booze."

As if on cue, Toudho held out a bottle which Dante took and uncorked. It wasn't half bad.

"Thanks," he said giving Toudho a nod.

"Don't mention it," Toudho replied.

"So are you real or am I just crazy?" Dante asked.

"Does the drink taste real?" Toudho asked.

"Yes."

"Then I am also real though you still might be crazy," Toudho answered. "I see you got the Angel back."

"With a little help from your prodigy and his friends," Dante replied.

Toudho's face darkened.

"So he turned pirate after all," Toudho muttered.

"Nah he's a blacksmith," Dante replied with a wave. "Due to be married last I checked."

"Thank god," Toudho muttered.

"So how exactly are you here?" Dante asked.

Toudho threw him a dark and grim look.

"He sent me Dante," he replied.

Dante froze at this his head instantly deducing who 'he' was.

"I'm sorry for the part I played in the mutiny Dante," Toudho stated. "After they threw ya over board and we claimed the treasure I voiced my concerns. They strapped me to a cannon and threw me over board. I entered into a hell few men can imagen. I begged for death but it wouldn't come. Then 'he' came."

"You cut a deal with him didn't you," Dante said darkly.

"Yeah," Toudho answered. "One hundred years of service aboard the Icecrown." Then he turned his gaze to Dante. "You cut a deal with him as well, didn't ya Dante. You and Vergil."

"Yeah well last I checked I still had time on..." Dante started but Toudho rose to his feet.

"Dante you can't worm your way out of this. One hundred years for you as well," Toudho said.

"Well I ain't going to be working for him," Dante replied.

"Then its to Northrend for you!" Toudho shot back. "The frozen wastes well tear the flesh from your bones. And soon enough he'll be send his beast after ya."

Dante gulped knowing what the beast was.

"And how would I know when its coming?" Dante asked.

Toudho gave him a hard look before grabbed his hand. Dante struggle to break free of Toudho's iron grip to no avail.

"The beast come to those who bear..." Toudho stated.. "The mark of rot." Then he released Dante who jerked his hand away. Dante looked at his palm and saw to his horror a patch of grey dead skin. He looked up but Toudho had vanished. Dante gulped and took a swing from the bottle he still held.

"Well, this is gonna suck something awful," Dante muttered.

****

Johnson rolled over in his sleep.

"Calm down ladies... Theres enough-a this grade a Marine to go around..." He said.

Then suddenly the ships bell began ringing wildly.

"ALL HANDS ON DECK!" Dante yelled! "RAISE CANVAS AND GET THIS FLOATING COFFIN MOVING!!"

Everyone either fell out of the their hammocks or jumped out, tripped on a guy who'd fallen out of his hammock, and fallen themselves. Needless to say everyone was sprawled on the floor. They scrambled to their feet and rushed onto deck to find Dante ringing the bell wildly.

"Johnson set a course!" He ordered.

"Where?" Johnson asked.

"Land!" Dante said.

"What port?" Johnson demanded.

"I didn't say port, I said land!" Dante snapped.

Then he ran back down the ship as everyone looked in confusion.

"The hell is going on?" Kallen demanded.

"I think the captian's been drinking to much," Judeau said. "Or to little. I don't know how it works with half devils."

Ranger scratched his head and quickly followed Dante down the deck.

"What the hell has gotten into you Dante?" He demanded.

"Nothing," Dante said quickly.

"Dante, who long have I been working for you?" Ranger asked.

"A couple years," Dante replied.

"And you don't think I know when you're lying through your teeth?" Ranger demanded.

Dante ignored him and rushed out on deck as everyone started to get the ship underway.

"Haul ass!" He ordered.

Then suddenly Courage dropped down from the rigginng right in front of Dante and landed on Dante's shoulder and yanked off Dante's coat! Then the coat fell into the water!

"Dante's coat," Ranger yelled!

"Shit bring us around!" Johnson ordered.

"We're turning around for a coat?" Al Sachez demanded.

"Its a symbol of his badassery," Ranger replied.

"Okay..." Sachez said annoyed.

"Nevermind!" Dante yelled. "Leave it!"

Allen, Ranger, Johnson, Kallen, Judeau, Jax, Daxter, and Stewie looked shocked at this.

"Just do it!" Dante snapped.

With many a back ward glance at the red coat now floating away coat they continued witht their work. Ranger turned to Dante in confusion.

"What the hell is going on?" Ranger demanded.

"Nothing," Dante replied quickly.

****

Meanwhile further out to sea a single fishing boat from some small country in the Caribbean a pair of fishermen were simply at work trying to pay the bills. Or just mouthing off to eachother.

"So you hear about some revolution going on in France?" One asked.

"Probably just another Popular uprising," The other replied. "This one time, I was about to totally bone my girl friend. But then we heard their was this popular uprising and she said there was no way."

"Damn dude," The first replied.

Then suddenly they saw a certain red coat floating on the water. The first fished it out and pulled it on.

"Sweet!" He said excitedly.

"Don't be an asshole," The other replied.

Suddenly the whole boat shook sending both to the deck.

"What the hell?" The first said.

"Probably just another..." The second started.

But suddenly a massive flippered hand smashed through the deck! Its grabbed hold of the mast and the two men looked at it.

"Oh shit!" Both started.

Then the ship was yanked under the sea.

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**Ranger24: And thats this chapter. Next time we return to the other characters. Read and review. **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The quest for Dante

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Back in Port Britannia however Suzaku found himself being lead into Cornelia's office which had been confiscated by Lord Cavil. Of course he at least had Lelouch backing him up in here. The office was changing a lot. The large map on the wall was being editted with the latest geographical data. Cavil hadn't wasted time in making himself at home in the office with a few choice liqueurs and whatever items struck his fancy.

Cavil stood up as they were brought in be their guards.

"Release them," Cavil said.

With little care the guards unlocked Suzaku and Lelouch's manacles.

"Leave us," Cavil ordered.

The two guards swept out of the room leaving Lelouch and Suzaku alone with Cavil.

"Can I interest either of you in something too drink? Tea? Ambrosia?" Cavil asked pulling out a shot glass and pouring himself a shot of the golden liquor.

"What do you want?" Lelouch demanded.

Cavil took a sip from his glass before he stood up.

"You see I have need of your services gentlemen," he stated. "I know the two of you worked with one Dante Sparda. I need you to acquire something of his for me."

"He's not going to give you the Black Angel," Suzaku snapped.

Cavil laughed.

"The Black Angel?!" He exclaimed bemused. "What the frak would I want with one burned out wreck of a Pirate ship? I've got whole fleets at my beck and call. No," he said setting down his glass. "I need you to recover a certain compass that Dante keeps on his person at all times. Perhaps you've seen it?"

"What do you want with it?" Lelouch demanded.

"I just want it," Cavil said coldly.

"So you expect us to track him down and force him to hand over his compass at the point of a sword when he himself can't be killed by those?" Suzaku demanded.

"No you're going to offer him a trade," Cavil said picking up a small packet of papers on a table by the fire place. He then tossed them to Lelouch who caught them.

"Letter's of Mark," Cavil explained. "Those amount to a full pardon and a commission as an agent of the Cylon Trading corporation."

"I'm thinking Dante would die before giving up his freedom," Lelouch said coldly.

"Freedom?" Cavil scoffed. "What a joke! There is no room for freedom in this world gentlemen. The blank spots on the map are being filled. Dante and his rabble must either find their place in the world or die."

"What's you're problem with Dante?" Suzaku demanded.

Cavil frowned and picked up a poker that was in the fire. The brand on the end shaped like a P.

"Let's just say we both left our mark on the other," he said coldly.

Suzaku glanced at Lelouch.

"Umm... can we get a huddle here?" He asked.

"Be my guest," Cavil replied.

Then Suzaku pulled Lelouch into a corner.

"What do you make of this?" Suzaku asked.

"Well my guess is that the orginal writers wanted to raise a lot of questions in this movie and didn't get around to answering half of them until the next movie," Lelouch explained.

"Ah," Suzaku said nodding. "So now we strike a deal for everyone's freedom and hope Dante either goes along with it or we steal the compass from him."

"Sounds good to me," Lelouch agreed.

Then they broke the huddle.

"We do this and you let Euphemia and Jeremaih go?" Suzaku asked.

"Fine by me," Cavil said with a shrug.

"We want to see them," Lelouch stated.

"Very well then," Cavil answered. "But remember the deal."

* * *

About ten minutes later Suzaku and Lelouch rushed into fort Agincourts prison to find Euphemia and Jeremaih sharing a cell. Jeremaih had sufficiently scared off the other prisoners from trying anything. Hot on their heals were Cornelia, Guliford, and Sayoko hauling Nunnally and her wheel chair.

"Suzaku," Euphemia said rising up and rushing to the cell door.

"Master Lelouch," Jeremaih said joining her and bowing.

"Are you alright?" Suzaku asked.

"A little worse for wear but I'm fine," Euphie said in relieved tones.

"What's going on?" Jeremaih asked.

"We managed to cut a deal with Cavil," Lelouch explained. "We find Dante and bring Cavil his compass. Then you guys go free."

"How exactly are you going to find him?" Euphie asked.

"We start looking in the most obvious place," Suzaku replied.

"Horihi?" Jeremaih checked.

"Horihi," Lelouch and Suzaku confrimed as one.

* * *

Two days later on Horihi Suzaku and Lelouch confronted the dock master, who was heavily inebriated.

"Dante Sparda?" He said drunkenly. "Oh yeah, good chap him... we had a few drinks before he headed off to Rio."

Two weeks later Suzaku and Lelouch confronted a man in brown suit with a hat.

"Ah yes," he said nodding. "Dante Sparda. He and his crew stopped for supplies and new ship mates before they bolted for Singapore when to Britannian Navy showed up."

One month later in Singapore Suzaku and Lelouch were speaking with a certian blonde from the previous story.

"Dante Sparda?" Trish asked. "He stopped here breifly to resupply after being tailed by the Navy. As soon as he got wind they were still on him he made Suez."

"Thanks," Suzaku said nodding.

"Oh and when you see him, give him this from me," Trish said before she slammed her knee into Suzaku's groin. Suzaku winced and fell to the ground holding himself.

Several weeks later in Suez Suzaku was sitting around while Lelouch played a childrens card game with a guy with really messed up hair spiky multy colored hair.

"Dante Sparda?" He said setting a face down on the field. "His ship came into the port of Alexandria pretty banged up. They'd gone through a hurricane to avoid the Britannian Navy. Then he said they were heading to Greece."

Three days later Suzaku and Lelouch were in a certian city as man with an awesome six pack held a Persian-Black guy at sword point.

"Dante Sparda?" He clarrified. "His ship came to port not far from here and bartered for some supplies. Said he was going to Venice."

"This is madness!" The Persian-Black guy exclaimed.

"Madness?" Leonidas said. "THIS IS SPARTA!!"

Then he kicked the man into the well.

"Oddly enough that's historically accurate," Lelouch muttered.

"Gotta give credit to Miller there," Suzaku agreed.

One week later in Venice Suzaku and Lelouch were on top of a roof with a guy in white.

"Dante Sparda, I know him alright," the man said. "He dropped in here and got rip roaring drunk before heading off to France."

Several days later in Paris France Lelouch and Suzaku were talking with a certian king about to face the guillotine.

"Dante Sparda?" He demanded. "I'm about to lose my head and you expect me to remember some pirate?"

"You do realize the longer we talk to you, the more time you get to live?" Lelouch pointed out.

"Oh fine, last I heard he was heading to Rhode Island," The king snapped before his head was shoved into the execution machine.

Several weeks later in Rhode Island the two of them sat at a bar with a fat guy, a pervert with a long nose, and a cripple.

"Dante Sparda, hell yeah I know him!" The fat guy said. "My sons in his crew! They stopped in here to get loaded on booze before heading to Durotar."

"Where's Durotar?" Suzaku whispered to Lelouch.

"I think its somewhere in Kalimdor," Lelouch replied.

"Which is?"

Several days later in Sen'jin village the two of them were having to keep up with the free style dance moves of a Troll.

"Dante Sparda? Don't know him mon, but I did see his ship da Black Angel. We was out sailin' with da master a euphemisms when we saw it beached mon. He can take ja."

"What?" Suzakua said utterly perplexed. "What kind of accent is that?"

The Troll stopped dancing and huffed in annoyance.

"What da ya mean what kinda accent is dis? Its a troll accent! I swear ja makin' me crazy."

* * *

The next day the two of them where in a row boat with a troll who was dressed all in green with a straw hat. This particular troll was the world famous Master of Euphemisms. Along with them were two Tauren and an Undead guy.

"So do you know any sea shanties or anything to fill the time?" Suzaku asked.

"I might have heard of one if ya'll be willing too listenin'," The Master of Euphemisms said.

Then the pair of Tauren and the one Undead guy started up the somber tune.

Staghorn/Oxhorn/Mortuss:_ Row, row, row, row._

_Row, row, row, row._

MOE: _Three men and a gnome went out to sea to slay the might whale,_

_but they never came home to kiss their wives when the ship went down in gail._

_As they floated on down to the watery deeps to make the sea bet their home,_

_Tim Flannery Haul turned to his two friends and said,_

_'Just blame the gnome.'_

Staghorn/Oxhorn/Mortuss:_ Ten curses and spite live in each gnome,_

_this truth can't be ignored._

_The best way to get rid of a gnome,_

_is to throw that gnome overboard._

MOE: _Their souls were taken by the judge of the deep old Ropper was his name._

_Said the judge to the four as was his want,_

_'Which one of you is to blame?'_

_The men did discuss, queit fast and quick,_

_with a grunt, a grumble, and a groan._

_Said John McNash with a finger up raised,_

_'It was that there bloiting gnome!'_

As the course started up Lelouch and Suzaku couldn't help but join in.

Staghorn/Oxhorn/Mortuss/Lelouch/Suzaku: _Ten curses and spite live in each gnome,_

_this truth can't be ignored._

_The best way to get rid of a gnome,_

_is to throw that gnome overboard._

MOE: _The men went to heaven and the gnome went to hell,_

_as old Ropper justly decreed,_

_and the men sat looking down on the gnome just watching his spirit bleed._

_When an angel with a rock came floating by and asked,_

_'What should we do with this stone?'_

_Pat Callahan laughed and said,_

_'let's all stone the gnome.'_

Staghorn/Oxhorn/Mortuss/Lelouch/Suzaku: _Ten curses and spite live in each gnome,_

_this truth can't be ignored._

_The best way to get rid of a gnome,_

_is to throw that gnome overboard._

"And we're here," the Master of Euphemisms said as they came to a stop near a large jungle covered island with a large mountain on it. But on the beach was Black Angel, beach and held in place in a position that would allow it to set forth at high tide.

"I'm afraid this as far as I can be obliged to take my fine vessel my friends," The Master of Euphemisms said.

Suzaku nodded.

"Thanks for the help," he said before he and Lelouch dove into the water and swam to shore.

"Hey isn't that Island inhabited by cannibal gnomes?" Staghorn said.

"I'm pretty sure they know that," Oxhorn said.

"Lols OMG they r gonna get pwn'd," Mortuss said in his 1337 speak.

* * *

Minutes later Suzaku and Lelouch waded onto the beach panting. Lelouch pulled off his black jacket which was soaked through and opened up his undershirt while Suzaku threw the large blue coat he'd been wearing onto the mooring lines of the Black Angel to dry. Lelouch then took a hold of the mooring lines still panting.

"Remind me to work out more," Lelouch said.

"Noted," Suzaku replied before handing Lelouch his sword Minamoto. Suzaku had a sword of his own at his side but that was it for their weapons.

Suzaku then turned to the Black Angel and frowned.

"Theres no sound," Lelouch noted.

"I know," Suzaku replied.

He brought his hands up to his mouth and hollared, "DANTE! Dante Sparda!"

There was no answer.

"Ranger?" Lelouch called.

"Johnson!" Suzaku called.

"Judeau?" Lelouch called.

Once more no answer.

Lelouch frowned.

"They might have gone inland," he said motioning to the jungle.

"Right," Suzaku muttered.

They moved into the outter brush cautiously.

Then suddenly Daxter leapt out of a bush and landed on a tree limb.

"Finally a familar face," Suzaku said relieved.

"Run!" Daxter yelped.

"What?" Lelouch said.

"Run ya morons!" Daxter yelped before jumping away.

Suzaku glanced at Lelouch.

"The hell was thatabout?" He wondered.

"No idea," Lelouch replied.

The continued on this time with their hands on their sword hilts. Then they came upon a peculiar sight. Johnson's whiskey flask hanging from a tree limb. Suzaku frowned.

"I don't like this," he muttered.

Lelouch then reached up pulled the flask of the limb. As he did however a net sprang up from beneath them and the two of them found themselves in a jumbled mess in the net.

"Oh well this is just perfect," Suzaku growled.

"Shut up and try to get your sword free," Lelouch said struggling in the net.

Then suddenly something pricked Lelouch's arm and he glanced down to see a blow dart in his arm.

"Aww shit," he groaned before he passed out.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku said alarmed.

Then dozens of small people wearing clothes made of reeds, hides, bones, and bits of wood rushed out the bushes brandishing spears, bows, and clubs. Suzaku yanked out his sword brandishing it feircly but as he did a dart sailed into his shoulder.

"Well carp," He moaned before his vision went nuts.

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**Ranger24: Okay read and review**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ranger24: Sorry for the wait but here's the chapter.

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**

Chapter 4: Fun with natives.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Suzaku and Lelouch finally came to too find themselves hanging by the wrists and ankles on polls. The Gnomes hurried up a path as fast as their little legs could carry them. After some time they finally arrived at a large village atop the mountian with dozens of gnomes in it. They were carried into the center of town to find, to their shock, Dante sitting on a throne of sorts covered in odd face paints and tribal marks.

"Dante!" Lelouch said trying to get the half devil's attention.

Dante frowned and then spoke in some unintelligable gibberish to the leader of the gnomes.

"Dante! You got to get them to let us go!" Suzaku exclaimed urgently. "Euphie and Jeremaih are facing the gallows and we need your help!"

Dante raised an eyebrow but didn't respond. Then the leader of the gnomes shouted some orders and they raised the two of them again.

"Dante!" Lelouch snarled.

"Help me," Dante whispered confusing both of them before they were lead away.

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Meanwhile not far from shore a single row boat was floating along with four guys in it. Two of them will be rather familar, the other two they just picked up in prison. Oh and lets not forget a small reptilain alien thing in blue green armor siting in the front.

"I"m telling you Sarge, it was divine providence that we got out of jail," Donut affirmed while reading a copy of the bible with the other two guys.

"And I'm telling you that it was being smart Donut," Sarge shot back while rowing. "And being good enough with animals to convince the guard dog to give us the keyes."

"Honk?" Tucker Junior asked having been taken from Fort Agincourts jails.

"Besides since when did you start caring about god?" Sarge demanded.

"Since we're no longer immortal. We've got to protect our immortal souls!" Donut explained.

"Ya old man just like me and Silent Bob," the skinny blonde one of the two new guys said. "We used to be weed smoking blunt dealers! Then we got arrested and found the good lord. Now we're Holy Jesus lovin' weed dealers!"

Silent Bob just nodded in agreement.

"Last I checked none of the three of you could even read," Sarge retorted.

"Its the bible Sarge, you get credit for trying!" Donut said offended.

"You're holding the fucking book upside down," Sarge dead panned.

"Hey! It's the Mother Fucking Bible!" Jay shot back.

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"So fancy meeting you guys here," Ranger said bemused.

"Oh shut up," Suzaku growled.

They were all in a cage made of bones hanging by a rope over a chasm, the bottom of which was a long way down. Well technicall it was two cages one filled with Ali al Sachez and his bunch. The other with Ranger, Suzaku, Lelouch, Kallen, Judeau, Johnson, Stewie, Chef, Allen, and everyone else important.

"Quick question," Lelouch said.

"What?" Johnson asked.

"If Dante's their chief why can't he just let us go?" Lelouch asked.

"He's only chief if he acts like a chief," Judeau replied.

"So he's a prisoner?" Suzaku said.

"No, its worse than that," Johnson muttered. "The natives saw him do a Devil Trigger when he tried to scare them with it. Now they think he's a god in living form."

"How's that worse?" Suzaku asked.

"Because they plan on releasing his soul," Johnson stated.

There was a silence.

"They're going to eat him!" Ranger said in exasperated tones.

"OH!" Lelouch and Suzaku said at the same time.

"Yep," Johnson growled. "Once they start beating the drums Dante will have only minutes to live before they start cooking him."

"Then we have to get out of here before then," Lelouch stated.

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Meanwhile back out off shore Tucker Junior suddenly jumped out of the boat.

"Hey wheres the little guy going? We haven't reached shore yet?" Sarge asked.

"Maybe he was tired of your shit old man," Jay said.

"Shut your pie whole blunt boy," Sarge shot back.

"Sarge didn't you say there was something to remember when landing on a beach?" Donut asked.

"Right, that was to beware the..."

Before Sarge could finish his sentence the boat was flipped right over by the tides and all four of them were thrown onto the beach with a yell. They crashed into the sand coughing up sea water.

"Tides," Sarge finished.

The four of them struggled to their feet.

"So anything here besides hopefully something to fucking eat and to fucking drink?" Jay asked.

"Well if we can clear cut a section of jungle, build a boat and small dock out of the timber along with nessacry faciluties, we can start that weed plantation I always wanted to start when I retired." Sarge stated.

"Hey Sarge look!" Donut said a gasp.

"What now Donut?" Sarge said with a sigh. Then they turned around and saw the _Black Angel _still moored on the beach.

"Holy shit," Sarge stated. Jay said the same but with the F bomb added in.

"It's ours for the taking!" Sarge proclaimed.

"Wait but Sarge! That sounds like stealing!" Donut said immedately. "God says thou shalt not covet another man's property."

"Donut, the bible also says thou shalt not kill and look at what people have still done!" Sarge snapped.

"Thats just a lot of people who are now Satan's Bitch," Jay stated.

"Oh," Sarge muttered. "Well let's just go with we're saving it from just rotting away on the beach, sound good?"

Jay glance at Silent Bob and the two of them shrugged.

"Works for me," Donut replied.

Suddenly drums began beating and the four of them jumped in alarm. All their eyes shot to the mountain in the jungle.

"I'm thinking we should get to saving it right now," Donut gulped fearfully.

"Amen too that," Sarge agreed.

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Up along a path ran a gnome covered head to foot in black body paint with white marking across him. As he neared the village the gnomes cheered, consuming epic numbers of cupcakes, throwing confetti, and beating pinata's... yeah. Look their gnomes! They're good at three things! Magic, science, and blowing things up with both! Religon isn't their strong point.

The gnome reached the village center and paraded his torch before Dante gibbering nonsensically.

"Why can't they just order a pizza," Dante muttered.

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"WHHEE!!" Ranger yelled delight as they all swung in the cages back and forth trying to reach the cliffs so they could climb their way up and out.

"Where did you come up with this plan!?" Johnson yelled as they missed another attempt.

"I read the script," Lelouch replied.

They missed another attempt but this time managed to at least get a hold of some vines.

"Just one more!" Suzaku yelled.

They swung again and this time both caged groups caught a hold of the side of the rock walls.

"Alright lets do that again!" Ranger said happily.

"You have problems," Kallen dead panned.

"Just get moving it'll take all of us to crew the _Angel_," Lelouch said.

"Not really, around six should do the trick," One of the racist stereotypes in the other cage said. At this everyone froze and glanced at eachother.

"Climb!" Lelouch yelled.

And thus began the rapid scramble up the cliff in the hopes of getting to the Black Angel first.

"Hey I have a question," Suzaku said while panting.

"What?" Johnson demand.

"Why doesn't Dante just shoot and cut his way out?"

"He left Rebellion, Ebony, and Ivory on the Black Angel," Johnson replied.

"Really didn't plan ahead did he?" Suzaku huffed.

"When does he?" Johnson replied.

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"Yeah put some more logs on!" Dante said hurridly as the Gnomes began making their sacred bonfire. His life was very close to being over. Slow cooked for a day of two until he was Bar-B-Q'd half devil. Not exactly how he wanted to go.

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They were roughly sixty percent of the way up the cliff when Ranger suddenly grabbed Suzaku by the shoulder.

"Everyone stop!" He hissed.

"Why the hell should we?" Ali Al Sachez demanded.

"Look up you fucking blood knight!" Ranger hissed.

Everyone looked up and saw a single gnome crossing the rope bridge above them.

"Aw shit," Lelouch hissed. "Nobody move."

Ali Al Sachez however smirked and motioned for his men to keep moving.

"Bye bye," he snickered.

"You two faced son of," Ranger started but then one of Ali Al Sachez's dudes pulled a snake off of the rocks, screamed like a sissy and the entire cage swung back wildly. The cable snapped and flew down into the pit.

"Sucks to be them," Judeau muttered.

Suddenly the Gnome on the bridge looked down and yelled out in alarm.

"Oh come! On they heard that!?" Ranger said exasperated.

"Climb!" Lelouch snarled.

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The Gnomes had just finished getting enough wood on the fire and practically had a bone fire going. Dante sighed looking at it.

"Well at least I'm not going to be slow cooked," he muttered. "Why do I get the feeling mom would be telling me this was my own fault?"

Suddenly the gnome from the bridge rushed into town screeching out the alarm in their strange langauge. The gnomes turned to Dante who'd only caught ever six or so words. He shrugged.

"Well what are you waiting for? Go get 'em," Dante said.

The gnomes cheered raising blow dart tubes, bows, and spears. Then en mass they rushed out of the camp. To Dante's delight they had left him completely alone.

"Time to get the hell out of here," Dante said grining from ear to ear.

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Meanwhile the rest of the _Black Angel'_s crew managed to climb its way out of the ravine.

"Okay what now?" Judeau asked.

"Working on it," Lelouch panted trying to catch his breath.

"Dude you seriously need to work out more," Suzaku dead panned.

"Oh gee, thanks," Lelouch panted. "I'll remember to do that when we aren't trying to escape canabal gnomes and save my half sister and body guard."

"Glad to hear it," Suzaku said smirking.

"Aw... Bromance," Ranger said with a smirk of his own.

Before anyone could comment on that subject an arrow whistled into the cage and nearly hit Suzaku in the back of the head.

"Holy shit!" Suzaku cried out in alarm.

"Lift the cage!" Lelouch yelled.

Everyone grabbed onto the cage and lifted it up like a ladies skirt, well all of them except for Stewie who nearly fell through the holes and got stuck by his head.

"AH DAMN YOU ALL!!" Stewie yelled his feet dangling in the air.

They rushed into the jungle the gnomes in hot pursuit. Arrows and darts flew into an around the cage but thankfully failed to hit anyone.

"Why does their accuracy suck so much?!" Suzaku demanded.

"Their gnomes!" Ranger stated panting heavily. "They're good at three things! Magic, Science, and blowing things up with both! They aren't the best marksmen!"

Then suddenly Johnson tripped on a low hanging root and he fell forward. The cage jerked forward so suddenly that everyone was thrown to the inside of the cage. Then to everyones alarm the cage began to roll!

"Oh shit!" Ranger yelled. Then the cage rolled down a hill banging wildly against trees and folliage with its occupants screaming at the top of their lungs as they were forced along on the wild ride. At one particulalry uncomfortable part they rolled up the side of a palm tree and then back down again. Finally the cage barreled over a ravine and smashed to peices in a small river on the island. Everyone broke free of the cage and swam as quickly as they could to the surface panting for air.

"Next time let's get out of the cage before we start running," Lelouch panted.

Right then however the natives caught up with them and started firing into the river!

"Okay running time!" Ranger yelped.

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Meanwhile Sarge, Donut, Silent Bob, and Jay were busy trying to get the ship sailing. Of course it was really just Sarge and Donut since Jay and Silent Bob were just watching. Sadly Sarge was the only one of the two of them that had any sailing experince.

"No damnit Donut! I said the mooring line not the Grand line!" Sarge yelled as Donut threw a copy of One Peice over board.

"Sorry sir," Donut called.

At that moment everyone who'd been in the cage ran out onto the beach soaking wet.

"Oh shit," Sarge muttered pumping a shell into his shot gun.

Everyone however ignored him and scrambled up the ropes onto the deck of the ship except for Ranger, Suzaku, and Lelouch.

"We need to get Dante," Suzaku said.

"WAIT FOR ME!!" Came the sudden call of Dante's voice. They turned to the source and saw Dante running towards them with the whole Gnome population following him. Lelouch and Suzaku gulped.

"Okay time to leave," Lelouch muttered.

They scrambled up the ropes just as Dante reached them himself and began clambering up. The ship rolled off the beach the gnomes crying out in frustration. Dante grinned relieved.

"Sorry folks! Half demon's not on the menu!" He called.

"Blarg!" Tucker Junior called from the beach.

"Oh crap we left the little guy!" Suzaku said alarmed.

"We can't go back," Lelouch replied.

Within five minutes the ship was out to sea safely.

"Haul ass people! Put as much distance between us and that rock as we can," Johnson ordered.

"Belay that," Dante ordered. "Find the nearest coast line and stay close."

Suzaku and Lelouch however had other ideas and grabbed him by the arms.

"Oh great you guys," Dante said in annoyance. "You guys lose track of another sister?"

"No she's facing the gallows you ass," Suzaku growled.

"Oh well maybe you should start looking into other women then," Dante replied.

"She and Jeremaih are being held prisoner by the Cylon Trading Company," Lelouch replied.

"Oh, well then what does Cavil want?" Dante growled.

Suzaku blinked in suprise.

"You knew who we were talking about?" He asked.

"Trust me kid, that guys got it in for me," Dante replied. "But sadly as much as I would like to help you I have my own problems to deal with."

"Well what if we help you?" Lelouch asked. "We help you, you help us."

Dante frowned considering it before he turned to Johnson. "Johnson, set course for the Dustwallow Marshes, I have an urge for some swamp folk hospitality."

Johnson seemed visibly uncomfortable with Dante's orders.

"We talking fancy or need?" He asked.

"Need," Dante replied.

Johnson cursed.

"What's in Dustwallow Marshes?" Suzaku asked.

Dante turned back to him and gave Suzaku and Lelouch a wry smile.

"How much do you two know about the Lich King?" He asked.

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**Ranger24: And thats the chapter folks. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Been doing a little thing called graduating Highschool. Anyways read and review.**


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